Every week, I go on WWAY News and give a comedic report on the weird or obscure news stories they did not report. This week’s stories are:
- Two Florida women were caught pretending to be senior citizens so they get vaccines.
- A woman was tricked into believing she was in a relationship with Bruno Mars.
Featuring special guest Reid Clark! Watch “What Did We Miss?” on WWAY News every Thursday at 5:30 am and 7 pm. Watch earlier episodes here.
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Transcript
Wills: How goes it, I’m Wills Maxwell Jr. and this is What Did We Miss? Here I tell you the stories that WWAY did not with far more confidence than I should have.
Two Florida women were caught pretending to be senior citizens so they could get a covid vaccine. It might have worked if they hadn’t insisted on stacking on top of each other in a giant trenchcoat. Sounds like they may have already gotten away with this once. The pair arrived at the Orange County Convention Center decked out in bonnets, gloves, and glasses to get their second shot. Once the health director spotted them he pulled them aside like “Come on, this is Florida. We know what old people look like. We know they don’t all look like the cast from ‘Mama’s Family’” They didn’t have any charges pressed against them but the sheriff’s deputy served some very strong ‘disappointed dad’ vibes.
Sheriff’s Deputy: You know what you have done? You’ve stolen a vaccine from somebody that needs it more than you. And now you’re not going to get your second one, so that’s a whole waste of time we just wasted here on this- just for your selfishness of stealing the vaccine.
Wills: You owe every high-risk person here an apology. In fact, I want you to one-by-one, make your way through this vulnerable population, look them in the eye, don’t hide behind a mask, look them in the eye, get right up close where they can hear you and just breathe “I’m sorry” in their face. Then go to your room and think about what you’ve done. Your mother will be hearing about this.”
Wills: A Texas woman was scammed out of $100,000 by a man she met online pretending to be Bruno Mars. She fell in love with him even though he kept warning her she better run. Catfishing scams are far too common and cause serious damage. For more on this, we’re joined by Bruno Mars. Bruno, thanks for doing the show, I’m just a huge fan.
Reid: Yeah, same here. I love “Why Did We Miss That?”
Wills: You’re far too famous for me to correct. I’ve always wondered, you have so many hits, what’s your favorite. I loved ‘Grenade’
Reid: Isn’t that The Weeknd?
Wills: Naw, naw that’s you.
Reid: You sure?
Wills: Yeah, Bruno Mars. I’m Sure.
Reid: Right! Right. It’s so hard to pick my favorite song. It’s like asking me to pick my favorite child but if I had to choose I’d say Greg.
Wills: Sorry?
Reid: Greg. That’s my favorite kid. He’s going places.
Wills: What about your favorite song of yours?
Reid: I’ll go with … Earned It?
Wills: Weeknd
Reid: Blinding Lights.
Wills: Weeknd
Reid: 6 Inch
Wills: That’s Beyonce featuring The Weeknd. Hey, how about Uptown Funk?
Reid: Ha! You’re not catching me on that. That’s Mark Ronson’s song. You ain’t slick.
Wills: Bruno, obviously we’re feeling pretty bad for your fan that was tricked into thinking she was talking to you. What do you have to everyone out there about people posing as you.
Reid: Right. Look everyone, if someone online tells you that they’re Bruno Mars just… hear them out. See what it is they need. Maybe Bruno Mars needs gas money. Maybe Bruno Mars needs to borrow your HBO Max account. Maybe Bruno Mars just needs you to say “Hey, Bruno Mars was with me last weekend, if anyone’s asking” If Bruno Mars, who I am, reaches out to you online. That’s your time to step up and help the guy used to date Selena Gomez.
Wills: Bruno Mars, everyone.
Reid: Wait, wait don’t forget to send me my appearance fee. It’s 24K
Wills: Yeah, I have that. I’m on local television. What’s your Venmo?
Reid: @ReidClarkComedy
Wills: Reid Clark, everybody. I’m Wills Maxwell Jr. and that’s what we missed.
Wills Maxwell Jr. 