What Did We Miss?

What Did We Miss? Diver swallowed by whale

Every week, I go on WWAY News and give a comedic report on the weird or obscure news stories that need more attention. This week’s stories are:

  • Utah replenishes fish populations by dropping thousands of fish from the sky.
  • Goldfish dumped in a Minnesota lake have grown massive.
  • Michael Packard, a Cape Cod lobster diver, was swallowed by a whale and spit up on land.

 Watch “What Did We Miss?” on WWAY News every Thursday at 5:30 am and 7:30 pm. Watch earlier episodes here. 

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How goes it? I’m Wills Maxwell Jr and this is What Did We Miss? Here I tell you the stories you might not have heard and if you have heard them… Uh, I didn’t tell them to you. What, you’re going to other places for news now? Couldn’t we have talked about this first?

First up, we head to Utah for a look at their time-tested way of repopulating the lakes. Since the 1950s, the Utah Division of Wildlife Resources have used planes to dump thousands of fish into the lakes. It’s really incredible to see. They released a video showing over 35,000 fish being dropped from the sky. Take a look at this beautiful slow motion footage of… Okay well that’s just… that’s just fish going from one bucket to another. Let’s try to get that air footage, folks. Typically, fish are restocked through pipes or by car but a lot of these more remote lakes require aerial restocking as is seen in THIS video of… them emptying… another bucket. Y’all, we have the cool part of this story, right?  Anyway the aerial process is quick for the fish and they enter the lake with a high survival rate. Okay here we go, check this out. That’s what it looks like when 35,000 fish suddenly remember they didn’t pack a parachute.

Speaking of lake restocking (You wouldn’t believe how often I use that segue) Officials in Burnsville, Minnesota are asking residents to stop dumping their pet goldfish in the ponds and lakes. See, goldfish are an invasive species there. They compete with the natural wildlife for food, eat everything up until they eventually look like this. Last time I saw a fish that big, it was mounted to a wooden board singing “Take Me To The River” They have found close to 30 gargantuan goldfish. They uproot plants, cause more algae to grow and this leads to poorer water quality. People, please remember: Goldfish don’t belong in these ponds and lakes. They belong in little plastic bags at a carnival game. I played that ping pong ball toss game as a kid. No one warned me that if I won, my prize would be responsibility.

We keep our aquatic theme to meet Michael Packard, a lobster diver with over 40 years experience, who was swallowed by a humpback whale. This man has changed the game for fish stories. Everyone’s usually like “I caught a fish *this* big” and he’s like “A fish *this* big caught *me*.” Packard was diving when he suddenly felt himself enclosed in the mouth of a whale. The whale held onto him before eventually surfacing and spitting him out on land. I feel like this is my fault. Last episode I said “Show me something more biblical than a plague of locusts” and God was like “Deal” 

“I was actually in his mouth maybe 30 seconds. I still had my regulator. I was breathing. I was wondering, one of the things that went through my mind was ‘Oh my god, what if he does swallow me? Here I am breathing air… I’m breathing air until my air runs out?’ Crazy stuff.” I know nothing about this man, what can I tell you though is…. he was doing something he should not have been. I’ve never seen a story where a person gets swallowed by a whale for doing the right thing. This man either lied to the blue fairy about skipping school or isn’t trusting that his friend is capable of helping him find his clownfish son. I’m sure this was a harrowing experience for Mr. Packard but he’s also very lucky, he could have been swallowed by a goldfish.

I’m Wills Maxwell Jr. and that’s what we missed.

What Did We Miss?

What Did We Miss? Cicada causes driver to crash car

Every week, I go on WWAY News and give a comedic report on the weird or obscure news stories they did not report. This week’s stories are:

  • A driver crashed his car after a cicada flew through his window and hit his face.
  • A bear climbed up a utility pole and got stuck. 
  • A man proposed to his girlfriend with a rare diamond he mined himself.

 Watch “What Did We Miss?” on WWAY News every Thursday at 5:30 am and 7 pm. Watch earlier episodes here. 

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How goes it? I’m Wills Maxwell Jr. and this is “What Did We Miss?” Here I tell you the stories WWAY did not with a smugness that should only be reserved for show dogs.

First up, Cicadas. They’re back. This current brood went underground when “Friends” ended and came back in time for the reunion.  If you can’t stand cicadas, let me introduce you to someone who hates them more. One Ohio man drove through a swarm of cicadas when one flew through his window, smacked him in the face and caused him to crash into a utility pole.

The driver is alright. Cincinnati police are warning people to keep their windows rolled up or else, they too, will have to tell everyone about the time they got slapped by a bug. I’m sure their insurance will cover this as an “Act of God” Try to convince me there’s something more Biblical than a plague of locusts.

Speaking of utility poles, a bear in Arizona climbed up one and got stuck. It’s not clear why he was up there but most likely, he saw a cicada and ran. Now this is not a safe height for a bear, doesn’t matter how many times we’ve seen Winnie the Pooh use balloons to fly. Worse, the bear is at risk of being electrocuted.Folks, I have a strict “no tragic endings” policy for stories on this show but I have to be honest… I don’t remember how this one ends. We’ll have to check in later.

For now, meet Christian Liden. He’s always dreamed of finding the perfect stone for an engagement ring and now he’s finally done just that. The 26-year-old from Washington had been mining all over the state looking for a gem to make his proposal unique.  On a tip, he decided to check out Arkansas’ Crater of Diamonds State Park. In hindsight, pretty obvious choice. You need a diamond? Go to the Crater of Diamonds. “Where can I find a book?!” “Have you tried, Books-A-Million?” Christian and his friend searched for three days before they found this 2.2 carat yellow diamond. This is a sweet story until you realize this millennial prospector was just procrastinating the proposal. “Why can’t we get married yet?” “Cause I need to find the jewels! There’s gold in them thar hills!” 

I’m being told to pretend we’re going live to something. Now I’m being told to keep my hand here so you don’t notice, I’m not wearing an earpiece. Linemen shut off the electricity before using a bucket truck to approach the suspended omnivore. Once close enough the linemen ignored a very crucial idiom and began to literally poke the bear. Fortunately that was enough to remind the bear he knows how to climb and he scampered off. Good thing the power company has this on video because I’m sure none of the customers who lost power believed them.

I’m Wills Maxwell Jr. and that’s what we missed. 

What Did We Miss?

What Did We Miss? Woman charged with embezzlement for not returning VHS rental 20 years ago

Every week, I go on WWAY News and give a comedic report on the weird or obscure news stories they did not report. This week’s stories are:

  • ‘Torched Earth’ is a new beer that tastes awful to raise climate change awareness.
  • An Australian man was attacked by a territorial octopus.
  • Caron McBride was surprised to learn a 20-year overdue rental of “Sabrina The Teenage Witch” landed her a felony embezzlement charge.

 Watch “What Did We Miss?” on WWAY News every Thursday at 5:30 am and 7 pm. Watch earlier episodes here. 

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How goes it? I’m Wills Maxwell Jr. and this is “What Did We Miss?” Here I tell you the stories WWAY did not. Not all the stories, just enough to make you think I’m fascinating.

New Belgium Brewing’s latest beer, Torched Earth, tastes terrible. That’s not my review; it’s on purpose. New Belgium says the awful taste is meant to bring awareness to climate change. Bravo to that PR team. That is impressive. Someone told them their product is awful and they went “Uh, yeah…. The ice caps are melting. You think we’re going to make good beer at a time like this? Priorities, man” Climate change is making certain beer ingredients harder to obtain so Torched Earth is made without any of them. Instead of hops and good grains, it’s made out of dirty water, dandelions and not-as-good grains. So sure, add ‘bad beer’ to the list of things wrong with a climate crisis. Not only could mankind be thrown into a Roland Emmerich-level disaster, we’re all going to be surviving it sober.

Up next, we head to Australia where a man found himself the target of a spiteful octopus. This is a story that would never happen to me. I’ll talk you through it. Lance Karlson was at the beach when he saw what he thought was a stingray lashing out of the water so he went to go get a closer look. That’s the first part where this tale would have ended for me. I see a stingray at the beach, I’m like “It’s none of my business. Keep it moving.” Karlson got close enough to see that it was an octopus who was not pleased to see him. This is the second part where were I the protagonist, the story would be over because now my beach day is ruined and I’m going home. Instead, Karlson set his family up on the beach and decided to go for a swim. That’s when the world’s most vindictive octopus came back for more. Karlson felt tentacle stings on his arms, neck and back. Third part where the story would have ended for me… here is where I die. I don’t know how to treat stings. Fortunately, Lance knew to treat himself with soda and is fine. So if anyone ever tells you soda isn’t healthy let them know that there is one incredibly specific scenario where it is.

A few weeks ago I told you about a woman who returned a library book 63 years overdue and faced zero consequences for it. Now we go to a woman who is not as lucky. Texas Woman, Caron McBride, recently discovered she’s wanted for felony embezzlement after failing to return a VHS of Sabrina, The Teenage Witch, 20 years ago. The recently married McBride was attempting to update her driver’s license when the DMV informed her she had an outstanding warrant for her arrest in Norman, Oklahoma. She was still wanted even though that video store shut down over a decade ago. You knew that, because it’s a video store. The only open place where you can still see a VHS is a museum. McBride claims she never checked out the tape and believes it was her ex-boyfriend, who is ignoring her Facebook messages. In his defense, he probably hasn’t watched it yet and wants a little more time. Caron’s charges have now been dropped. No word on if this Sabrina VHS contains the made-for-TV movie or the TGIF sitcom. We will keep an active eye on this story until we find out.

I’m Wills Maxwell Jr. and that’s what we missed.

What Did We Miss?

What Did We Miss? Florida couple invites guests to wedding at mansion they did not reserve

Every week, I go on WWAY News and give a comedic report on the weird or obscure news stories they did not report. This week’s stories are:

  • Over 2600 sheep were herded down Highway 55 in Idaho.
  • A car smashed through traffic arms jumped an opening drawbridge.
  • A Florida couple tried to hold a lavish wedding at a mansion they did not own or have permission to use.

 Watch “What Did We Miss?” on WWAY News every Thursday at 5:30 am and 7 pm. Watch earlier episodes here. 

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Transcript:

How goes it? I’m Wills Maxwell Jr. and this is “What Did We Miss?” Here I tell you the stories WWAY did not, proving that just anyone can be on TV.

People in Eagle, Idaho gathered along Highway 55 to watch the world’s cutest stampede. Sheep rancher, Frank Shirts, drives his sheep across the highway on their way into the foothills every year. He’s a sheep rancher, not a shepherd. A shepherd herds a flock of sheep. A sheep rancher does the same thing but with a cooler-sounding name. Onlookers watched the woolly scene as roughly 2600 ewes and lambs ambled along. We only have an estimate. The person in charge of the exact count kept falling asleep.

One second, folks (pulls out phone) Hey, Florida. It’s me, What-Did-We-Miss guy. Yeah, yeah, I know I make fun of you a lot but here’s the thing. I just did a very cute story about sheep. Very pleasant, doesn’t get a lot of clicks though so I’m kind of wondering… what are you up to, Florida? Any wacky goings-ons in that peculiar peninsula? Drivers have been jumping a drawbridge? How often. Bless you, Florida.

I don’t know how much of that you overheard but we’re going to Florida for our next story. Daytona Beach police have identified the driver of a SUV that jumped a drawbridge as it was going up. They treated the bridge like a ramp and briefly had all 4 tires in the air before landing on the other side of the gap. The traffic arms did not slow the driver down as they elected to speed through, shattering the arm and their windshield in the process. To be fair, the driver was late to an appointment to have his windshield replaced. This isn’t the first time. A motorcycle made the same jump a month earlier. Alright, here’s the problem. While illegal, jumping a bridge is cool. On top of that, this looks like a very easy bridge to jump. That driver didn’t even get enough air to warrant a Dukes of Hazzard freeze frame. You want people to stop? Make it more of a challenge. The second the arms come down, massive wall of flames, right behind it. Behind that? Literal wall. A solid sheet of drywall. Under the bridge, should be a platform, that rises as the bridge opens to reveal a fleet of school buses and- you know what, I just made this even more tempting to jump. Nevermind. Nevermind, my idea is too awesome. Forget it

(Phone rings) Excuse me (Picks up phone) How goes it? Florida! You got something else for me? Know what, That oughtta do it. Thanks Florida. Okay now, love you too.

A Fort Lauderdale couple invited friends and family to join them at a lavish 16,300 square-foot mansion for their wedding ceremony and reception. The invitations were very detailed. It laid out the itinerary for the day, how the couple reconnected 30 years after high school, how the groom proposed over pizza. What it did not mention was that the couple did not own or have permission to use the mansion. Nathan Finkel, the owner, was shocked to find the groom at his home setting up. He kept insisting that it was God’s plan to get married there and Finkel kept insisting that God never brought it up with him. Police asked the party to leave and they complied. No word if they got married somewhere else of course they did. What could stop a couple so daring? They probably confidently walked into a IHOP with decorations and said their I do’s before the staff noticed.

I’m Wills Maxwell Jr. and- (phone rings, picks up) How goes it? No, my refrigerator is *not* running. I’m glad you called. One second, please (puts receiver to shoulder) -and that’s what we missed. (Back on phone) Yeah, it just hasn’t been feeling motivated lately.

What Did We Miss?

What Did We Miss? Woman arrested for refusing to return $1.2M accidentally placed in her account

Every week, I go on WWAY News and give a comedic report on the weird or obscure news stories they did not report. This week’s stories are:

  • A Louisiana woman was arrested after pocketing the $1.2 Million Charles Schwab accidentally put in her account.
  • A woman returned her library book 63 years after it was due.

 Watch “What Did We Miss?” on WWAY News every Thursday at 5:30 am and 7 pm. Watch earlier episodes here. 

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Transcript:

How goes it? I’m Wills Maxwell Jr. and this is “What Did We Miss?” Here I tell you the stories WWAY did not, depriving you, of the chance to just look them up yourselves.

First up, we go to Louisiana where a woman is being charged with fraud for not returning the money accidentally deposited in her bank account. Kelyn Spadoni was expecting a deposit from Charles Schwab but was stunned to find $1.2 Million. Schwab meant to send her $82 and 56 cents. I don’t know how you even make that mistake. You can put the decimal anywhere on 82.56 without ever getting $1.2 Million. Now when the bank tried to get that money back they couldn’t because Spadoni closed her account, moved the money, and bought a house and a car. Now, obviously, that wasn’t the moral thing to do but from where I sit, in my fully unqualified seat, that’s her money. Yeah, it was put there by mistake. That’s Charles Schwab’s mistake. They can keep the mistake, the money is hers. I’ll concede that’s against the rules, but that money became hers the second she got rich enough for rules to no longer apply to her. Spadoni was arrested on charges of theft and bank fraud. Her bail was set to $150,000 and, if you can believe it, she made that.

A Wisconsin woman returned a library book, 63 years after it was due. The library doesn’t even call you anymore after 6 months. That’s coming from experience. Betty Diamond checked out a collection of Paul Bunyan stories from the Queens Public Library when she was 10-years-old. Once it became overdue, she grew too embarrassed to bring it back. (“My ten-year-old solution was let’s just pretend this didn’t happen: SOT) Betty finally returned the book 63 years later with an apologetic note plus $500 to cover the late fee. Late fees cap at $15. This woman paid a $485 guilt fee. Now, Betty’s story actually inspired me to finally return my overdue item. A while ago, I went to the New Hanover Public Library and checked out “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince”… The movie, not the book. Now, I kept moving this DVD case around my place so I could see it and remember to take it back which I did… after 6 months. Then, New Hanover County Public Library called me to say that the DVD case was empty. Sure enough, still in the player. Now I am not just going to take a DVD out of the player without a case to put it in, I’m no sadist. So I left it in the DVD player where it was safe… for another 8 months before I brought it back inside a classical music compilation CD case. Please learn from my mistake, learn from Betty’s mistake. The Public Library is a vital, and helpful resource so don’t use it if you’re unreliable. You know you best. Just don’t be the reason some person can’t see Ron Weasley on a love potion.

I’m Wills Maxwell Jr. and that’s what we missed.