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What Did We Miss?

What Did We Miss? Woman arrested for refusing to return $1.2M accidentally placed in her account

Every week, I go on WWAY News and give a comedic report on the weird or obscure news stories they did not report. This week’s stories are:

  • A Louisiana woman was arrested after pocketing the $1.2 Million Charles Schwab accidentally put in her account.
  • A woman returned her library book 63 years after it was due.

 Watch “What Did We Miss?” on WWAY News every Thursday at 5:30 am and 7 pm. Watch earlier episodes here. 

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Transcript:

How goes it? I’m Wills Maxwell Jr. and this is “What Did We Miss?” Here I tell you the stories WWAY did not, depriving you, of the chance to just look them up yourselves.

First up, we go to Louisiana where a woman is being charged with fraud for not returning the money accidentally deposited in her bank account. Kelyn Spadoni was expecting a deposit from Charles Schwab but was stunned to find $1.2 Million. Schwab meant to send her $82 and 56 cents. I don’t know how you even make that mistake. You can put the decimal anywhere on 82.56 without ever getting $1.2 Million. Now when the bank tried to get that money back they couldn’t because Spadoni closed her account, moved the money, and bought a house and a car. Now, obviously, that wasn’t the moral thing to do but from where I sit, in my fully unqualified seat, that’s her money. Yeah, it was put there by mistake. That’s Charles Schwab’s mistake. They can keep the mistake, the money is hers. I’ll concede that’s against the rules, but that money became hers the second she got rich enough for rules to no longer apply to her. Spadoni was arrested on charges of theft and bank fraud. Her bail was set to $150,000 and, if you can believe it, she made that.

A Wisconsin woman returned a library book, 63 years after it was due. The library doesn’t even call you anymore after 6 months. That’s coming from experience. Betty Diamond checked out a collection of Paul Bunyan stories from the Queens Public Library when she was 10-years-old. Once it became overdue, she grew too embarrassed to bring it back. (“My ten-year-old solution was let’s just pretend this didn’t happen: SOT) Betty finally returned the book 63 years later with an apologetic note plus $500 to cover the late fee. Late fees cap at $15. This woman paid a $485 guilt fee. Now, Betty’s story actually inspired me to finally return my overdue item. A while ago, I went to the New Hanover Public Library and checked out “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince”… The movie, not the book. Now, I kept moving this DVD case around my place so I could see it and remember to take it back which I did… after 6 months. Then, New Hanover County Public Library called me to say that the DVD case was empty. Sure enough, still in the player. Now I am not just going to take a DVD out of the player without a case to put it in, I’m no sadist. So I left it in the DVD player where it was safe… for another 8 months before I brought it back inside a classical music compilation CD case. Please learn from my mistake, learn from Betty’s mistake. The Public Library is a vital, and helpful resource so don’t use it if you’re unreliable. You know you best. Just don’t be the reason some person can’t see Ron Weasley on a love potion.

I’m Wills Maxwell Jr. and that’s what we missed.

What Did We Miss?

What Did We Miss? Man steals $1250 worth of Girl Scout cookies

Every week, I go on WWAY News and give a comedic report on the weird or obscure news stories they did not report. This week’s stories are:

  • A man gets caught after he steals $1250 worth of girl scout cookies.
  • Scientists studying a volcano eruption in Iceland used the lava to grill hot dogs.
  • A father is being investigated after bringing his toddler into the elephant enclosure at the San Diego Zoo.

 Watch “What Did We Miss?” on WWAY News every Thursday at 5:30 am and 7 pm. Watch earlier episodes here. 

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Transcript:

How goes it? I’m Wills Maxwell Jr. and this “What Did We Miss?” Here I tell you the stories that WWAY did not. They didn’t prioritize these stories but lucky for you, my standards aren’t as high.

A Minnesota man has been accused of stealing over $1200 worth of Girl Scout cookies.  He’s accused of that… because it’s what he did. Police pulled over Joel Whitaker after responding to a triggered alarm. There they found his backseat and trunk completely crammed with the cookie contraband. Whitaker told police that he was dumpster-diving behind the grocery store when he noticed unattended stacks of cookie boxes just sitting there… on pallets… behind the door… of the grocery warehouse he broke into. Here’s the problem with stealing Girl Scout cookies: you’re going to need someone to sell them. There’s no black market for Girl Scout cookies. Anyone selling Girl Scout cookies that isn’t under 5 feet and wearing a little green beret is immediately suspect. You could steal my own clothes and sell them back to me and I’d be less suspicious of you than if you approach me like “Hey man, want some Samoas?” Whitaker was charged with felony counts of burglary and theft. If convicted he could have faced a decade in prison and worse, not be able to collect his Cookie CEO badge. He’s been released on the condition that he will never break a law again. So if you’re ever charged with something… try that. 

Next up, we go to Iceland where a volcano erupted near Reykjavik. The eruption near Fagradalsfjall caused lava to flow across the Reykjanes peninsula. Now moments like this are when scientists spring into action to inform people, collect data and do some straight-up goofy nonsense. The lava had not fully cooled before some scientists began using it to grill hot dogs. Okay, I get that it’s lava, but that’s still ground food. Just because the ground is hot doesn’t mean it’s no longer the ground. Do you know how crazy you look to me throwing food on the ground before you eat it? It’s a 5-second rule, people. I bet y’all play “Floor is Lava” wrong too. Everyone’s jumping on furniture and you’re lying down making s’mores. Fortunately, the eruption was small and posed no immediate threat to the citizens of Grindavik while those in Thorlakshofn were asked to shelter indoors to avoid the gases which were nowhere near as bad as the 2010 Eyjafjallajökull volcano eruption. Here’s the thing about all the pronunciations. I’m not at all confident I’m saying these correctly, just giving an earnest attempt. Someone who knows, please rate me.

A father is being investigated for child endangerment after he took his toddler into the elephant enclosure at San Diego Zoo. This man is incredibly lucky the elephant did not want to hurt him. This wasn’t a narrow escape. The elephant caught up with him. If this was a test on how quickly he could get out, he failed. That elephant was like “Hey! My man you’re not supposed to be here. If you could kindly… thank you.” Here’s the thing, this isn’t the first time we’ve had people at the zoo who want to walk with the animals. In 2019, a woman at the Bronx Zoo offered a lion a hug. A week before that, a North Dakota woman touched an ape for a selfie. Last May, Someone at the Warsaw Zoo hopped the moat of the bear enclosure and then tried to drown the bear. The list goes on and I’ve only mentioned the times the people walked away after. People really know how to take the fun out of putting animals in captivity. Folks, don’t climb in with the animals to get a picture. It’s rude. Let them come to you. If that elephant wanted a selfie he would have walked up to the fence like “Hey, let me get that. No no, don’t do duckface. This isn’t 2013.”

I’m Wills Maxwell Jr. and that’s what we missed.

What Did We Miss?

What Did We Miss? Bruno Mars impersonator scams woman out of $100K

Every week, I go on WWAY News and give a comedic report on the weird or obscure news stories they did not report. This week’s stories are:

  • Two Florida women were caught pretending to be senior citizens so they get vaccines. 
  • A woman was tricked into believing she was in a relationship with Bruno Mars.

Featuring special guest Reid Clark! Watch “What Did We Miss?” on WWAY News every Thursday at 5:30 am and 7 pm. Watch earlier episodes here. 

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Transcript

Wills: How goes it, I’m Wills Maxwell Jr. and this is What Did We Miss? Here I tell you the stories that WWAY did not with far more confidence than I should have.

Two Florida women were caught pretending to be senior citizens so they could get a covid vaccine. It might have worked if they hadn’t insisted on stacking on top of each other in a giant trenchcoat. Sounds like they may have already gotten away with this once. The pair arrived at the Orange County Convention Center decked out in bonnets, gloves, and glasses to get their second shot. Once the health director spotted them he pulled them aside like “Come on, this is Florida. We know what old people look like. We know they don’t all look like the cast from ‘Mama’s Family’” They didn’t have any charges pressed against them but the sheriff’s deputy served some very strong ‘disappointed dad’ vibes.

Sheriff’s Deputy: You know what you have done? You’ve stolen a vaccine from somebody that needs it more than you. And now you’re not going to get your second one, so that’s a whole waste of time we just wasted here on this- just for your selfishness of stealing the vaccine.

Wills: You owe every high-risk person here an apology. In fact, I want you to one-by-one, make your way through this vulnerable population, look them in the eye, don’t hide behind a mask, look them in the eye, get right up close where they can hear you and just breathe “I’m sorry” in their face. Then go to your room and think about what you’ve done. Your mother will be hearing about this.”

Wills: A Texas woman was scammed out of $100,000 by a man she met online pretending to be Bruno Mars. She fell in love with him even though he kept warning her she better run. Catfishing scams are far too common and cause serious damage. For more on this, we’re joined by Bruno Mars. Bruno, thanks for doing the show, I’m just a huge fan.

Reid: Yeah, same here. I love “Why Did We Miss That?”

Wills: You’re far too famous for me to correct. I’ve always wondered, you have so many hits, what’s your favorite. I loved ‘Grenade’

Reid: Isn’t that The Weeknd?

Wills: Naw, naw that’s you.

Reid: You sure?

Wills: Yeah, Bruno Mars. I’m Sure.

Reid: Right! Right. It’s so hard to pick my favorite song. It’s like asking me to pick my favorite child but if I had to choose I’d say Greg.

Wills: Sorry?

Reid: Greg. That’s my favorite kid. He’s going places.

Wills: What about your favorite song of yours?

Reid: I’ll go with … Earned It?

Wills: Weeknd

Reid: Blinding Lights.

Wills: Weeknd

Reid: 6 Inch

Wills: That’s Beyonce featuring The Weeknd. Hey, how about Uptown Funk?

Reid: Ha! You’re not catching me on that. That’s Mark Ronson’s song. You ain’t slick.

Wills: Bruno, obviously we’re feeling pretty bad for your fan that was tricked into thinking she was talking to you. What do you have to everyone out there about people posing as you.

Reid: Right. Look everyone, if someone online tells you that they’re Bruno Mars just… hear them out. See what it is they need.  Maybe Bruno Mars needs gas money. Maybe Bruno Mars needs to borrow your HBO Max account. Maybe Bruno Mars just needs you to say  “Hey, Bruno Mars was with me last weekend, if anyone’s asking” If Bruno Mars, who I am, reaches out to you online. That’s your time to step up and help the guy used to date Selena Gomez.

Wills: Bruno Mars, everyone.

Reid: Wait, wait don’t forget to send me my appearance fee. It’s 24K

Wills: Yeah, I have that. I’m on local television. What’s your Venmo?

Reid: @ReidClarkComedy

Wills: Reid Clark, everybody. I’m Wills Maxwell Jr. and that’s what we missed.

What Did We Miss?

What Did We Miss? Celebrating Black History Month

Every week, I go on WWAY News and give a comedic report on the weird or obscure news stories they did not report.

This week I take a break from weird news to celebrate Black History Month by sharing profiles on American history icons.

Enjoy the video and learn more about Althea Gibson, Thurgood Marshall, and Shirley Chisholm. It’s a history lesson filled with laughs.

Watch “What Did We Miss?” on WWAY News every Thursday at 5:30 am and 7 pm. Watch earlier episodes here. 

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What Did We Miss?

What Did We Miss? Remote Minnesota town constructs ice road to reconnect with U.S.

Every week, I go on WWAY News and give a comedic report on the weird or obscure news stories they did not report. This week’s stories are:

  • Citizens plow a 22-mile ice road to reconnect Minnesota’s Northwest Angle with the rest of the country.
  • Paleontologists in Russia dive into a frozen river to search for fossils. 
  • A commemorative coin honoring sci-fi author H.G. Wells sparks backlash over its inaccuracies.

 Watch “What Did We Miss?” on WWAY News every Thursday at 5:30 am and 7 pm. Watch earlier episodes here. 

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