Every week, I go on WWAY News and give a comedic report on the weird or obscure news stories they did not report. This week’s stories are:
- Over 2600 sheep were herded down Highway 55 in Idaho.
- A car smashed through traffic arms jumped an opening drawbridge.
- A Florida couple tried to hold a lavish wedding at a mansion they did not own or have permission to use.
Watch “What Did We Miss?” on WWAY News every Thursday at 5:30 am and 7 pm. Watch earlier episodes here.
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How goes it? I’m Wills Maxwell Jr. and this is “What Did We Miss?” Here I tell you the stories WWAY did not, proving that just anyone can be on TV.
People in Eagle, Idaho gathered along Highway 55 to watch the world’s cutest stampede. Sheep rancher, Frank Shirts, drives his sheep across the highway on their way into the foothills every year. He’s a sheep rancher, not a shepherd. A shepherd herds a flock of sheep. A sheep rancher does the same thing but with a cooler-sounding name. Onlookers watched the woolly scene as roughly 2600 ewes and lambs ambled along. We only have an estimate. The person in charge of the exact count kept falling asleep.
One second, folks (pulls out phone) Hey, Florida. It’s me, What-Did-We-Miss guy. Yeah, yeah, I know I make fun of you a lot but here’s the thing. I just did a very cute story about sheep. Very pleasant, doesn’t get a lot of clicks though so I’m kind of wondering… what are you up to, Florida? Any wacky goings-ons in that peculiar peninsula? Drivers have been jumping a drawbridge? How often. Bless you, Florida.
I don’t know how much of that you overheard but we’re going to Florida for our next story. Daytona Beach police have identified the driver of a SUV that jumped a drawbridge as it was going up. They treated the bridge like a ramp and briefly had all 4 tires in the air before landing on the other side of the gap. The traffic arms did not slow the driver down as they elected to speed through, shattering the arm and their windshield in the process. To be fair, the driver was late to an appointment to have his windshield replaced. This isn’t the first time. A motorcycle made the same jump a month earlier. Alright, here’s the problem. While illegal, jumping a bridge is cool. On top of that, this looks like a very easy bridge to jump. That driver didn’t even get enough air to warrant a Dukes of Hazzard freeze frame. You want people to stop? Make it more of a challenge. The second the arms come down, massive wall of flames, right behind it. Behind that? Literal wall. A solid sheet of drywall. Under the bridge, should be a platform, that rises as the bridge opens to reveal a fleet of school buses and- you know what, I just made this even more tempting to jump. Nevermind. Nevermind, my idea is too awesome. Forget it
(Phone rings) Excuse me (Picks up phone) How goes it? Florida! You got something else for me? Know what, That oughtta do it. Thanks Florida. Okay now, love you too.
A Fort Lauderdale couple invited friends and family to join them at a lavish 16,300 square-foot mansion for their wedding ceremony and reception. The invitations were very detailed. It laid out the itinerary for the day, how the couple reconnected 30 years after high school, how the groom proposed over pizza. What it did not mention was that the couple did not own or have permission to use the mansion. Nathan Finkel, the owner, was shocked to find the groom at his home setting up. He kept insisting that it was God’s plan to get married there and Finkel kept insisting that God never brought it up with him. Police asked the party to leave and they complied. No word if they got married somewhere else of course they did. What could stop a couple so daring? They probably confidently walked into a IHOP with decorations and said their I do’s before the staff noticed.
I’m Wills Maxwell Jr. and- (phone rings, picks up) How goes it? No, my refrigerator is *not* running. I’m glad you called. One second, please (puts receiver to shoulder) -and that’s what we missed. (Back on phone) Yeah, it just hasn’t been feeling motivated lately.