What Did We Miss?

What Did We Miss? Cicada causes driver to crash car

Every week, I go on WWAY News and give a comedic report on the weird or obscure news stories they did not report. This week’s stories are:

  • A driver crashed his car after a cicada flew through his window and hit his face.
  • A bear climbed up a utility pole and got stuck. 
  • A man proposed to his girlfriend with a rare diamond he mined himself.

 Watch “What Did We Miss?” on WWAY News every Thursday at 5:30 am and 7 pm. Watch earlier episodes here. 

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How goes it? I’m Wills Maxwell Jr. and this is “What Did We Miss?” Here I tell you the stories WWAY did not with a smugness that should only be reserved for show dogs.

First up, Cicadas. They’re back. This current brood went underground when “Friends” ended and came back in time for the reunion.  If you can’t stand cicadas, let me introduce you to someone who hates them more. One Ohio man drove through a swarm of cicadas when one flew through his window, smacked him in the face and caused him to crash into a utility pole.

The driver is alright. Cincinnati police are warning people to keep their windows rolled up or else, they too, will have to tell everyone about the time they got slapped by a bug. I’m sure their insurance will cover this as an “Act of God” Try to convince me there’s something more Biblical than a plague of locusts.

Speaking of utility poles, a bear in Arizona climbed up one and got stuck. It’s not clear why he was up there but most likely, he saw a cicada and ran. Now this is not a safe height for a bear, doesn’t matter how many times we’ve seen Winnie the Pooh use balloons to fly. Worse, the bear is at risk of being electrocuted.Folks, I have a strict “no tragic endings” policy for stories on this show but I have to be honest… I don’t remember how this one ends. We’ll have to check in later.

For now, meet Christian Liden. He’s always dreamed of finding the perfect stone for an engagement ring and now he’s finally done just that. The 26-year-old from Washington had been mining all over the state looking for a gem to make his proposal unique.  On a tip, he decided to check out Arkansas’ Crater of Diamonds State Park. In hindsight, pretty obvious choice. You need a diamond? Go to the Crater of Diamonds. “Where can I find a book?!” “Have you tried, Books-A-Million?” Christian and his friend searched for three days before they found this 2.2 carat yellow diamond. This is a sweet story until you realize this millennial prospector was just procrastinating the proposal. “Why can’t we get married yet?” “Cause I need to find the jewels! There’s gold in them thar hills!” 

I’m being told to pretend we’re going live to something. Now I’m being told to keep my hand here so you don’t notice, I’m not wearing an earpiece. Linemen shut off the electricity before using a bucket truck to approach the suspended omnivore. Once close enough the linemen ignored a very crucial idiom and began to literally poke the bear. Fortunately that was enough to remind the bear he knows how to climb and he scampered off. Good thing the power company has this on video because I’m sure none of the customers who lost power believed them.

I’m Wills Maxwell Jr. and that’s what we missed. 

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